The great thing about the anonymity of the Internet is that you can make a complete ass out of yourself and no one in the real world will ever know … and very few people will even care.
Even better (or perhaps worse) is that you get to bait people into hating you when they’re honestly looking for answers to their lives’ most difficult questions.
Such is the case of one of Yahoo.com’s most unintentionally amusing services: Yahoo! Answers.
The special feature is available to anyone with a Yahoo! login, which generally includes every person on the planet who needs a email account they use when they don’t want to give someone their real email address.
The way the service works is that once you’re logged in, you just ask a question and get advice from people around the globe.
Granted there are many questions of a sincere nature:
- Are lots of moles on your skin ugly? wonders one user.
- What are some romantic sayings in Greek? pleads another.
But at the same time, for every thoughtful question, you get 15 questions of a numb-skull nature.
Filed under the “Baby Names” category, one person asks: Do U like the name Atheist Grace? To which many respondents plead for the asker not to do such a thing.
It’s times like this when we like to offer answers by way of The Incredible Hulk and his HULK HELPS Yahoo! ID: “Hulk smash puny Atheist Grace! Hulk hates Mixed-up Name Girl! No one is stronger than the Hulk!”
And, while we’re at it:
- Solving the mole problem: “Hulk hates moles! Smash puny moles back into their mole-holes!”
- Romantic Greek? “Hulk is the strongest there is!” always works well in any language.
And then there’s questions best not asked aloud, especially when the Hulk is nearby:
“Bah! Stringy-Arm Boy is weak! Hulk smash Stringy-Arm Boy! Hulk is strongest there is!”
There’s also plenty of sad stories too: I’m really scared I hate my life a woman states, adding she has autism and someone told her its contagious.
Hulk responds: “Some people hate Hulk, so Hulk just smash puny people!”
Another interesting place to visit is the History section, where users ask questions that are clearly homework essays. After all, it’s not too often that someone sits around and wonders How did Zora Neal Hurston contribute to the Harlem Rennaissance?
Hulk’s answer: “Raaaaahhhhhh! Hulk is best one to write about African-American art and literature of 1920s! Hulk smash puny Zora Neal Hurston!”
The Hulk, as you well know, can solve any problem in a few simple strokes:
- Calling it puny.
- Giving it a new name.
- Smashing it.
- Screaming incoherently with rage.
- Reminding the asker that the Hulk is the strongest, which thereby makes him correct.
So there you go, Yahoo! Answer-seekers. All your problems solved. Please go ahead and spread the Hulk’s wisdom.