Pridnestrovie — What a country!

Originally published on 4/3/2007 at Pop Quiz, Hotshot.

Snuggled between the Ukraine and Moldova –two countries that even the eggheads at Pop Quiz, Hotshot! have trouble placing on the map – is Europe’s newest nation, the seemingly lovely Pridnestrovie.

Most Americans don’t realize that Pridnestrovie has a lot going for it. Luckily, PQH! is here to help correct that ignorance, namely by pointing you to pridnestrovie.net, an English-language promotional Web site for the nation that’s the size of Delaware.

So just what’s so great about the Big P?

Well, the Pridnestrovie public relations team has spelled it out for us in the “Top Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Europe’s Newest Country.” wherein, among other things, we find:

• The Big P has double the population of … Iceland! (Not bad, Pridnistrovia, not bad!)
• Pridnistrovia is more industrialized than … Moldova! (Better than Moldova? Uhhm, Great. Pat yourself on the back for that one.)
• Their borders are tightly controlled, so much so that “smuggling has dwindled to not more than in any other country of Europe.” (Faintly damning praise indeed.)
• The Big P was never, ever part of Moldova — except when Stalin said so. And even then, they didn’t like it much (That’s sure to come up on “Jeopardy!” sometime.)

But the lure of Pridnestrovie doesn’t end there …

• Key tourism sites: A hydro-power plant, a soccer stadium, and the “Dniester Sanatorium.” Throw in a Starbucks, and PQH! will there.
• A photo gallery that features pictures of dandelions. Dandelions? Now that’s how you can draw Americans in: With our national weed.
• “Experts now admit admit that Pridnestrovie doesn ‘t export any weapons.” … Not that we were saying they did or anything. Geeeez, aren’t we touchy!
• Just to set the record straight: The site pledges, up and down, that The Big P is most certainly not controlled by Sheriff Ltd, a giant corporation.
• And while they’re at it, the site also assures us that Sheriff is definitely not a money-laundering front for the president and his sons.
• Moldova is a big jerk of a country, because they just push poor Pridnestrovie around too much

So there you go, everything you need to know about Pridnestrovie, a country that has so much going for it that Borat and Yakov Smirnoff only wish they were born there.

“Pridnestrovie — What a country!”