The British Hate Ninjas

Originally posted at Pop Quiz, Hotshot! on March 23, 2007.

Fellow Ninjaphiles, Pop Quiz, Hotshot!  has a sad, sad story to tell you. It is a story of prejudice and hate that will surely make you weep for your favorite masters of stealthy art.

It seems that wise and ultimately benevolent Ninjas were just too violent for Great Britain in the 1980s. Benevolent? You bet, it is indisputable that the world is certainly a better place with Ninjas in it. Pirates we can certainly do without, but Ninjas are as necessary to our quality of life as cellphones,  dishwashing machines and automatic-scoop cat-litter boxes.

This horrible revelation came to PQH! last night while checking out a variety of cartoon postings at YouTube.

The best of the bunch was a mega-long compilation of opening segments from 1980s cartoons. At 30 minutes long, it had plenty of time to hit upon some of the best (”G.I. Joe”), some the worst (Filmation’s “Ghostbusters”) and some of the forgotten (the toon version of “Beetlejuice.”) Of course, PQH!’s heroes of the week, the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” made an appearance too.

Wanna see it? Visit it here.

There you go – if your boss sees you watching it, just tell them it was some slimy pirate-sent spam that popped up and you can’t stop it.

When that monolith of a video ended, the robots at YouTube kindly informed PQH! of similar videos it might enjoy. In nostalgic euphoria, we clicked another compilation, only to be shocked and saddened at the gross prejudice therein.

You see, among the compilations was the “Turtle” cartoon opening, but it wasn’t the “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” opening, it was some horrific variation called ”Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.” Go ahead and watch it.

Go ahead and click that image to the right. 

Yep. You heard it right. You saw it right. Hero Turtles. Not Ninja Turtles.

Alarm bells went off at PQH! HQ. Ninjas were in peril. The sky was falling. (Though maybe it was just that our popcorn had finally finished in the microwave.)

A quick check of IMDB and Wikipedia reveals the horrific truth: Ninjas were considered too violent for British kids. Even Michelangelo’s nunchucks were booted.

The laws that banned such Ninja-themed characters has since been lifted, but we must continue to stand against such vicious anti-Ninja efforts. 

It’s sad, horrifying and concrete proof that we need things like Ninja Week 2007. Proof that despite all the strides Ninja have made since their creation all those centuries ago that there are royalty-loving, Spice Girl-buying, James Bond wannabes who seek to destroy the Ninja way of life.

To that, PQH! says “Never give up, Ninja, never surrender!”

“Give me Ninjas or give them death!”

“We must’nt let the Ninja slip quietly into the night!”

… Uhm, well, actually, Ninja are supposed to slip quietly into the night… but you get the point, and stay tuned for Ninja Week 2008.


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